Archive for July, 2008

There’s this website

July 31, 2008

Where you can upload one of your favorite personal pictures and have it come back interpreted in porn.  It’s pretty amazing what the human race is capable of when porn stars band together with computer geeks. I mean, it’s a perfect match. Porn stars need the internet, and computer geeks need a way to get their rocks off. I chose a family photo because the juxtaposition just seemed right. If you’d like to make your own just visit adultmosaic.com.

Quirky

July 25, 2008

I’m not exactly sure I’d call this pig is Quirky.

Fucking strange.  Blessed.  Gimpish. Awesome.

That’s what I’d have called him. Move over bacon, here comes Quirky.

It’s ok Jorge…

July 24, 2008

My mom wouldn’t let me be hardcore either.

Bumper Sticker

July 24, 2008

It’s been a while since my last post, so, sorry about that. I don’t really appreciate blogs where the blogger has diarrhea of the mouth for weeks on end. I figure if you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say it at all. 

I was on the 405 freeway the other day and took this picture from inside my truck.

Now, the picture is crappy. I apologize. I took it with my Iphone, which if you have one you know, the camera is a peice of shit. In a way though, I think it helped me capture the essence of being stuck in LA traffic. In a “Falling Down” sort of way.

The person in the vehicle in front of me was a fan of bumper stickers, or as I like to think, personal billboards. Rarely do I read them, but when you’re sitting there on the 405 cursing the assholes around you and wondering why the hell you ever decided to live in such a graveyard of time, there’s not much else to look at. I can’t ever remember remembering a bumper sticker for more than a few mintues, but on the back of this truck there was one that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. It read…

Someone I love, was murdered.

Now, I’m not sure where you get such a sticker, and I’m not sure what it meant, but I’m assuming it meant exactly what it said. But it was very confusing. Most bumper stickers offer an opinion.

Bush is a terrorist. My other car is a F-15. Jesus loves you, but loves me more. 

But this one just stated a simple fact. Someone this person loved was murdered. Maybe it was a mercy plea, or a feel sorry for me sticker, or a sticker in eulogy, but I couldn’t stop thinking, “Where the hell did you find one of those?”

WOW

July 15, 2008

Stands for World of Warcraft. For those who don’t know, this is a game/lifestyle/undertaking that’s taken very seriously by a select few.  While doing some research on the “gamer” market, my friend Suzie came across this posting on craigslist.


 

 

 

 

 

 

My favorite part is that this purple, brawling, Norwegian warrior leaves us with the important note that he is allergic to cats.

What are the chances?

July 10, 2008

I mean really, what are the chances?

One for the ladies.

July 9, 2008

After the “Does she…” post I thought it important to point out just how far you could push the limits of advertising in the 60s. Meet Ron Rico, he is an expert lady killer, who’s concocted 6 deliciously fruity daiquiris that enable him to steal garter belts from enebriated brides.

This guy single handedly carries an arsenal of 6 devastating daiquiris, a framed and autographed head shot, and 6 daiquiri glasses at all times. And his name is Ron Rico. Pronounced with a rolling R, I’m sure.

This is perhaps the last time in the history of the world that the words lady-killer and slay, were or will be used  in anything other than a serial killing or dragon slaying. It’s fucking insane.

The only warning on the entire ad is this:

Warning: Mix with Ronrico and it’ll be love at first sip.

Well…does she?

July 7, 2008

A few years ago I stumbled onto a stack of vintage Life magazines sitting in the back of an antique/buy shit that you really don’t need store. I combed the pages and found some great vintage ads. It’s amazing how 50 years later, an ad can take on an entirely different meaning, or maybe 50 years ago they were just so far ahead of the curve that it flew above the laws of political correctness. Point in case.

I don’t know, does she? She’s a damn hot MILF, so I’d hope she does. Dye her hair that is. But as the sub head explains, “Only her hair dresser knows for sure.” Which I guess either means she’s getting some serious action at hair the salon or the guy is simply faaaabulous with color.

So many business cards, so little business.

July 7, 2008

While we were on vacation, Brenda’s co workers took time out of their busy schedule to remodel her office. Something about business cards being the in thing.

Not as subtle as the aforementioned prank, but equally as awesome.

Note: Every business card was secured with very strong tape, and that block of business cards in the center is her computer monitor. Or new rolodex.

Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.

July 6, 2008

With the 4th of July weekend coming to a close I thought it would be fun to increase the unproductivity of America by offering up a fun and simple prank that I pulled a lot at my old job.

Go to work tomorrow and find a co-worker who you’d like to fuck with. That shouldn’t be hard. Now wait until they go to lunch or are away from their computer and have a seat at their desk. Take a screen capture of their desktop (Command, Shift, and the number 4 at the same time for Apple computers, print screen button for PCs) Now, place that screen capture of the desktop into a folder some place deep in their hard drive or in their photos folder etc. Next, take all the files from their desktop and move them into a file on your office’s server, or you can simply move them into some new remote file that you’ve created someplace on their hard drive that only you know where to locate. Title the folder “Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays” or something fucked up like that.

 Now set the screen capture of the desktop (that you took earlier) as their desktop background. This will make everything look exactly as it was, but now none of their desktop will actually be there. (It’s just a photo of what it was)

Wait for the person to return and then watch them have a complete meltdown when they try to click on their destop files with no avail. Watch them reboot their computer countless times. Enjoy them cursing God and the IT department. Hear them bitching out Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and all that is corporate fucking America.

To finish the prank simply walk up to their cube, raise a coffee mug and say, “Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.”

Good times guaranteed. 

Please let me know how it turns out.

Note Bene: This can all be done it about two minutes. Just think about the steps before you sit down.